| Forum » Off-topic » Daily jokes...lolz | Date | |
|---|---|---|
|
Username
2032 msgs.
Best scorer
|
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife towake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, hefinally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is5.00am; wake up." gud day pals | 16/08/2012 21:57 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
2032 msgs.
Best scorer
|
Terrible joke Policeman: how did you kill 50 people in a car accident? Chinoz: i was driving at about 40mph,when i tried to stop i found out that i had no brakes..i saw two men walking on the street and a wedding on the other side of the street,whom do you think i should hit? Policeman: of course the two men,that will be less damage. Chinoz: thats what i thought too,but when i did hit the first guy, the other one ran to the wedding,so i had to chase him there and there was collateral damage. |
17/08/2012 08:13 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
2032 msgs.
Best scorer
|
join akpos Akpors:- You cant escape now,I must collect my money today. Joseph: If i kill myself i will be free from you (pulls out a knife and stabs himself and dies) Akpors:- (smiles and says) if you think you can die with my money,you are joking.I will follow you till you pay me(also stabs himself dead with the knife) ..meanwhile somebody was watching from a distance laughs and says.."these Guys are fools I must watch this to the end" so he picks up the knife and stabs himself dead. If you want to knw what was next,you know what to do too. |
17/08/2012 12:46 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
908 msgs.
MVP of the game
|
A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex." The researcher was a little taken back. He replied with candor, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?" The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out." |
17/08/2012 18:18 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
908 msgs.
MVP of the game
|
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” | 17/08/2012 18:24 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
908 msgs.
MVP of the game
|
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!" | 17/08/2012 18:26 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
908 msgs.
MVP of the game
|
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and ***." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!" Edited by @bluegene 18-08-2012 01:36 |
17/08/2012 18:27 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
908 msgs.
MVP of the game
|
Words not appropriate. No more of this language rajeev. Edited by @bluegene 18-08-2012 01:36 |
17/08/2012 18:31 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
908 msgs.
MVP of the game
|
They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona. | 17/08/2012 18:38 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
|
Username
2032 msgs.
Best scorer
|
Nice work rejeev but u got to be posting it one per day so as not to make the thread boring ok? | 18/08/2012 00:08 |
| - Div/Gr | ||
1
