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Username
1437 msgs.
International
 Not too long ago, there was a woman
who wanted to know how her
husband would react if she left without
telling him where she had gone.
She decided to write him a letter saying
she is tired of him and didn't want to
live with him anymore.
After writing the letter, she put it on
the table in the bedroom and then
climbed under the bed to hide until her
husband got home.
When he eventually came back home,
he saw the letter on the table and read
it.
After a few moments of silence, he
picked up the pen and added
something to the letter.
Then he started to get changed,
whistling happy tunes and singing and
dancing while he did so. He grabbed
his phone and dialed a number.
His wife listened from under the bed as
he started chatting to someone.
"Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes
then will join you," he said.
"As for the other fool, it finally dawned
on her that I was fooling around on
her and left. I was really wrong to have
married her; I wish you and me had
met earlier. See you soon, honey!"
Then he hung up and walked out of
the room.
In tears and very upset, she climbed
out from under the bed and stumbled
over to read what her unfaithful
husband had written on the end of her
letter.
Through teary eyes, she read: "I could
see your feet you idiot, I am going out
to buy bread."
 18/08/2015 19:35
  - Div/Gr
Username
1437 msgs.
International
 One day kitfaith complained to his friend
that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a
computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and
cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine
and the computer will diagnose your
problem and tell you what you can do
about it.
It only costs $10."
kitfaith figured he had nothing to lose, so
he filled a jar with a urine sample and
went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some
noise and various lights started
flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small
slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how
amazing this new technology was and
how it would change medical science
forever, he began to wonder if this
machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a
stool sample from his dog and urine
samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the
concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located
the machine, poured in the sample and
deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual
noise and printed out the following
message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a
water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is
using cocaine. Put her in a
rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better."
 18/08/2015 19:41
  - Div/Gr
Username
1437 msgs.
International
 A young Naval Officer was in a terrible
car accident, but due to the heroics of
the hospital staff the only permanent
injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn’t physically impaired he
remained in the military and eventually
became an Admiral.
However, during his career he was
always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing
two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine
Gunnery Sergeant for his personal staff.
The first Master Chief was a Surface
Navy type and it was a great interview.
At the end of the interview the Admiral
asked him, “Do you notice anything
different about me?”
The Master Chief answered, “Why yes. I
couldn’t help but notice you are
missing your starboard ear, so I don’t
know whether this impacts your
hearing on that side.”
The Admiral got very angry at this lack
of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master
Chief, when asked this same question,
answered, “Well yes, you seem to be
short one ear.”
The Admiral threw him out also.
The third interview was with the
Marine Gunnery Sergeant .
He was articulate, extremely sharp, and
seemed to know more than the two
Master Chiefs put together.
The Admiral wanted this guy, but went
ahead with the same question.
“Do you notice anything different
about me?”
To his surprise the Gunnery Sergeant
said, “Yes. You wear contact lenses.”
The Admiral was impressed and
thought to himself, what an incredibly
tactful Marine. “And how do you know
that?” the Admiral asked.
The Gunny replied, “Well sir, it’s pretty
hard to wear glasses with only one
ear.”
 18/08/2015 20:10
  - Div/Gr
     
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