FC Bayern München's Media Team caught up with the club's president, Ali Agharabi, in a reknowned jacuzzi house in Las Vegas. He could only spare them 7 minutes.

Excerpts:

Keith: Thank you for granting this interview despite your busy schedule.

Ali: The pizza boy would soon deliver my order. No one likes cold pizzas.

Q: The club recently auctioned off two of the club's fast-rising talents, Vincente and Everaldo. The fans want to know why.

A: I'll refer you to the Technical Director. That's why I pay him.

Q: Actually, he referred us to you.

A: Really, he did? Hmm ... You see Keith, I've never really loved players who eat garlic. That's all.

Q: Errr ... Their breath?

*No answer from Ali*

Q: *smiles* You really don't wanna talk about it. Okay then. About the team's recent performance ...

A: *cuts in* Don't go there.

*general laughter in the house*

Q: Why?

A: The "farming" process is still ongoing both in the senior and junior level. We don't have an ideal team yet. We still have a goalie that needs cookies to stay alive, and only 3 defenders who smoke weed. We're still trying to build a great midfield army that would sell for mouth-watering amounts. So, we aren't bothered about good tactics or perfomance. I know the fans want good results, and in some seasons from now, they'll be tired of Bayern's long winning streaks.

Q: Bayern can boast of 6 excellent soccer schools that have produced an appreciable number of talents over time. Are there plans to build more schools?

A: Errr ... certainly not now. As you know, maintenance comes at scary costs. That's why we closed down about 5 schools that kept on giving us toddlers. We want super-boys, not breast-sucking-boys.

Q: Lest I forget, rumours about the club's bankruptcy have been everywhere, and ...

A: *cuts in* You see, talebearers jack off all night long.

*general laughter yet again*

They've got a zero intellectual strength. Although, it's against the club's policy to reveal financial details to the public, but as of now, we can buy the whole of division 6.

Keith: Thanks for your time sir.

A call comes in;

"Sir, the pizza boy came seven minutes ago".

Source:
Carl de Maitre, Media Chief of FC Bayern München